It's NOVEMBER?!?!?!

I can't believe it is already November of 2009! Wow, before you know it, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and 2010! Well, I've stayed quite busy lately and will do an update very soon.

Must go now, gotta head to work. Hope that all is well for you all! Leave me some love !

xoxo

jess

Marvelous Monday

stacey, me, and shane

Shane & I

Vicki and I

The photos above are from wine night @ sunspot this past wednesday. It was by far the most fun wine night. we just all had a great time laughing, talking eating, and laughing some more.

So, today we had the manager meeting @ work.Although it started out with me waking up late, I've had a good day. Following what seemed to me to be a productive meeting, I got the keys to the store (after turning in the key test). I know the position is temporary. . . but it says a lot for the company to trust the keys to the store to me, ya know?

So, that is how my day started then I went home to change for the gym, just got home from the gym and am about to shower and head to lunch w/ mom @ PF Changs. After that, I will be running errands w/ Vicki for a bit. A very productive day.

What are your plans for the day/week?

busy bee

Jason and Tiffany @ Sassy Ann's giving me a pretty smile. I always have a good time with these two.

Me & Hans

Vicki & I in the car

This past Thursday night, we headed to Sassy Ann's for a night of 80's music. I always have a good time w/ these peeps. This weekend has been a long and busy one. I have another long day tomorrow then I am off on Tuesday. Yay for the upcoming day off.

I'm trying to get myself motivated to get back in the gym. I haven't been since I got back from Vegas. I felt so much more energized when i was going everyday. . . I just need to get there. Hopefully I'll go in the morning before I have to start getting ready for work. . . .

it's my day off

It's my day off and I slept until 1p.m. in the afternoon! OMG! Well, it probably had to do with the fact that I couldn't get to sleep till almost 4 AM because my work/sleep schedule has been off.

Not sure what I'm going to do today but I DO know that my mom is flying in from New Jersey/New York tonight and we're going for coffee and dinner! Yay! I've missed having her here as a coffee/meal buddy. We often will go for a coffee or lunch before running errands or a day of mani/pedi's. This is something that I will miss when I finally make my move away from Knoxville.

Here are some recent pics that I haven't shared on facebook:









Hope you all have a beautiful Wednesday. . .not that it makes a difference to me, but we're half way to the weekend! ♥

just one of those days

Today is just one of those days. I've been trying to get better. Not sure what's been going on: allergies, cold, flu, who knows? Today @ 3 pm central time will be the services @ Forest Park UMC in Panama City Florida to celebrate the life of Nick Brown.

He was in a motorcycle accident on July 31st and passed away on August 25th @ noon due to complications from the accident. He was only 24 years old and it truly does break my heart that he is gone. I hate that I can't be there w/ the rest of my friends and church family. Honestly, it's probably better that way. . . my dad's death is still so fresh and i try not to think about or deal with this kind of stuff.

So, it's Sunday Funday (just not here in Knoxville). Back in PCB, FL Sunday's were always a fun beach day and a day that we always tried to do brunch or @ least the bloody mary's and mimosa's. I miss those days. I miss the days where i got together with friends for happy hour drinks, coffee dates, shopping spree's on a saturday or sunday afternoon.

It's just one of those days. alright, after sleeping in, two cups of coffee and some facebook time, i am headed to shower and lunch w/ the mom's husband then to work till who knows what time. we are scheduled until midnight. . . but i'm sure it will be later then that.

hope everyone has a fabulous SUNDAY FUNDAY.

Happy Friday to all! So, I mentioned my promotion @ Express to you all and I just wanted to share my schedule this upcoming week. Tomorrow I work a mid then Sunday through Saturday I close every night except for my one day off (Wednesday). It's going to be a long/busy week but I'm excited for the hours, the pay increase, and learning more about the business.

The above picture is from Wednesday night @ Sunspot. I went with a group of friends and it was a great time. It's the first time I wore this dress. I wish you could see the entire thing. It's super comfortable. I stayed up way too late last night so I've bee somewhat of a bum all day (on my day off). I am about to do some laundry, go run some errands, then back home to cook dinner and have a relaxing night in. I'm starting to get sick and I'm hoping that it just goes away. . .

So, you guys tell me something fun that's going on this weekend for you!

xoxo

Jess

Back from LAS VEGAS

[At a club called PURE. I had the MOST FUN this night]

[Diane von Furstenburg store. . . I was in heaven]

[With the girls @ the Flamingo]

Well, as you all know, I am back from Las Vegas. It truly is a beautiful city. I got lots of pictures (not as many as I would have liked) and would love to go back in the near future to see more and to catch a Bette Midler or Cher show.

[Chihuly glass art @ the Bellagio]

So, I've been waiting to hear from one of the managers @ Alumni Hall on the recent position I applied for w/ them. They actually were wanting me to apply for store manager and I declined b/c I didn't know anything about the company and haven't been a store manager for any business previously.

So, I followed up with them concerning the Assistant Manager Position. While I am awaiting their response, I received somewhat of a promotion @ Express yesterday. One of our managers will be leaving on maternity leave and they have asked me to step up and be in the position of a sales lead and to take on some of the management responsibilities. I accepted the position so if I am offered the position @ alumni hall, I'm not sure what I'll do. The position @ alumni hall would be permanent while this position is just while Anna is on maternity leave for 8-10 weeks!

Either way, it's more pay, more hours, and more responsibility. I am ready for it (have been for a while) so I'm going to take it on and hopefully get some money saved. I do have to look out for my own well being so like i said, not sure what I'll do if I am offered the other position.

Anyway, that's my life right now. I am working a good bit this week, training in the new position. Thursday night a group of friends and I are having Asian themed dinner night @ Jason's loft (a friend of mine) and then we are going dancing @ Sassy Ann's for 80's night.

A good week ahead for sure, and payday is this weekend so I can begin to recover from VEGAS. Anybody out there want to fly me to them to visit. I love to travel and see beautiful faces of people I used to see more often then not.

Hope all is well in everyone's weekend.

love

me

it is so hard for me to really get into this blogspot blog. I honestly don't feel like people follow it like they did xanga or like facebook is followed these days.

Hello July 10th 2009. I just got home from the doctor. I had a chest x-ray yesterday and an appt. w/ my oncologist today. x-ray was normal, blood work is normal and my next appointment is in October. I'm hoping to be able to get a PET CT in October as well. Hopefully I won't have to fight the insurance company on that.

So, my oncologist is moving :( I'm quite sad. My first oncologist moved to North Carolina to be closer to family and this oncologist is moving to be close to family, but he also hates it here (who can blame him). So, he's going to be working in Phoenix, ARIZONA. I'm excited for him. He was talking to me today about how life is too short to be somewhere you don't like or do something you don't enjoy doing. It's so true. I need to get out of Knoxville. I don't enjoy my life here. I mean, I do love having my mom. But now that my dad is gone, the idea of trying to be in this area just seems pointless. I need to find out what i want to do career-wise and figure out where i want to move.

Lord, give me some direction. please open some doors for me. speak through someone to me!

Happy Birthday!

On this day, 59 years ago, Charles Gilbert Fields was born. Yes, my dad's middle name was GILBERT. Unfortunately, my dad is not celebrating his 59th birthday here with us. I miss my dad alot but know he is in heaven and having the time of his life. The transition since my dad passed away has been a rough one. He passed away on the 15th, his funeral was on the 17th, then we had Father's day, then most of his ashes were spread by his wife on July 2nd and today is his birthday! Blah.

On a different note, I did have a good 4th of July. That morning, I went to the gym and then got a drink from starbucks. I went to a cook-out w/ some friends for a couple hours, then back home to enjoy another coffee drink and chill w/ the family till our night time cook-out. After that I watched the family set off fireworks until i left to meet up w/ Jason. Our plans of going dancing were crushed by instead, we had a blast playing scrabble and eating cereal @ the cereal bar. YUM.

Friday night I went to the Smokies Baseball game and we WON. Following the game was a beautiful fireworks show. Alright. All the festivities have worn me out. Going to take a nap.

Thinking of you, dad!

back to reality

It's true. I am back in Knoxville, TN. As soon as I got home from Kentucky I began packing my bags and left for Florida on Father's Day. I went as a "get-a-way". It was nice. For the most party I just sat on the beach. I got back last night and immediately had to start getting ready for a friend of mine's b-day festivities and then had to work @ 8 am this morning. So, I've been on the go since right before my dad passed away and am really just now getting back into a routine.

I can't stop thinking about my dad, today. His cell phone was turned off on Wednesday and before that I kept calling it just to hear his voice. :( I have a voicemail on my cell phone of him wishing me a happy birthday and I have saved it over and over. I still can't believe he is gone.

I've had to deal w/ alot of emotions and situations throughout all of this. For example, my brother and I were suppose to be going to Kentucky on the 7th to spread his ashes. But his wife has made other arrangements for them to be spread this thursday and I had to argue w/ her on trying to wait or at least have the funeral home place some of the ashes in another urn for my brother and I. It may sound weird, but I need that closure. I still can't believe he's gone and I had to go through all that crap so fast and before I knew it, his funeral was over. :(

I've never had to deal w/ such a close death. I mean, my grandparents have died, but my dad? Who is suppose to walk me down the aisle, who's gonna make sure the guy i find is good enough, who's going to be there when i just want my dad?

daddy

i still don't know what to do w/ myself. i miss my dad so much. I just want him to come back. I didn't get to say goodbye. I want to hear his corky way of saying hello which usually is a, "WAZUUUUUP".

He was too young to die and I'm far too young to lose a parent. I'm so angry right now.

Lord, give me your peace.

my dad got put back on the feeding tube today. They are now thinking that he could be experiencing a "thyroid storm". It's a very serious illness and I am hoping that he's fighting it off and will get better.

I am going to Louisville w/ my mom on Monday. She has business there so i'm tagging along. I plan on escaping away to go visit my dad. how sad is it that I have to hide it from her :( But, you gotta do what you gotta do. So yeah. I work all weekend and then am off for three days and then work the remainder of next weekend.

I am currently looking for a job. I have been scoping out some possibilities here in Knoxville, Louisville, and Fredericksburg :) We shall see where the road takes me. I still want to move to Atlanta, but maybe it's just not time for that yet.

My dad is back in the hospital. He had been transfered to rehab to help build his strength back up and they were still treating the infection but he got a fever and the infection began to flare up so he's back @ Norton's. I'm really worried about him. I've found some more things out and I'm just plain scared.

I have alot on my mind. Ready to move away from Knoxville, ready to start my life again, worry about my dad, etc. . . There's just so much and I am having a hard time finding a balance w/ it all.

What are your thoughts?

i need prayer.

back from Louisville.

i'm worn out. i am back from my short louisville trip. I was able to visit w/ my dad. He is doing much better. He was actually transferred to a rehab center on thursday night. he will probably be there for a while because he became so weak being in ICU for two weeks. He's still got a long road ahead of him. He'll be @ the rehab center until he gains his strength. then, once released from there, it will be @ least 3 weeks until they can schedule his back surgery. After his back surgery, we will see how he does with the pain pills. If my dad gets caught back into his addictive cycle with the pills, I'm going to urge him into a drug rehab.

My dad stopped smoking and stopped taking the pain pills but then managed to overdose on tylenol. (as you know, that is how sarah hill from TM died) which is what originally put him in the hospital this time. There was a point where the doctors didn't think he was going to make it. I talked with his nurses and a couple of his doctors and they kept telling me that he was lucky to be alive. Granted, the tylenol is what put him in there but they did decide that he had to have been bit by something (tick/spider) and that's what caused all the infection in his body.

So, with all that said, I'm just going to stay positive and encourage him daily. I love him alot and he needs to be reminded from time to time i'm sure.

While there I was able to see christina davidson (chrissy walker) a couple times. i love her and am so blessed by her friendship. She's actually going to be driving through knoxville in a couple weeks so we'll see each other again.

I am suppose to go to Nashville today to visit a friend of mine from PANAMA CITY BEACH who is in N-ville for a family reunion but i'm so exhausted from the recent travels and last night i was the designated driver for some friends and didn't get home till close to 3 am (sheesh)!

but, either way, it's a beautiful day so i'll either enjoy the weather with a drive to nashville or i'll go to the smokie's baseball game tonight w/ my mom and roger.

11:32 p.m.

it's quite late and i have had two cups of coffee! ZING! haha. i am packing a little weekend bag for the next two days. I leave in the morning to see my dad. I was told today that he's doing much better. I'm excited to see him. I am also having dinner with the beautiful Christina Davidson (better known as Chrissy Walker). I'm excited to see her!

So, I should get off here and get to packing. follow me on twitter, i'll keep updating.

xoxo

jessica

it's 3:22 a.m.

yes, it's almost 3:30 in the morning on june 1st and i am still awake. I actually worked until 2:30 tonight/this a.m. I'm about to head to bed. just thought i'd do a little "typing". tomorrow i am hitting the gym in the morning then I have work tomorrow afternoon.

leaving for louisville on tuesday early morning. i'll be staying @ a hotel in louisville instead of staying @ my dad's place in Bedford Kentucky (which is about an hour north of louisville) because it's much closer to the hospital he is in.

alright. getting super sleepy. goodnight to all!

the weekend

Friday:
Manicure/Pedicure @ SOHO Nails
Eyebrow waxing
Lunch @ P.F. Changs
Bought the new "bio fit" bra from Victoria's Secret
Work 5-close
Bailey's to visit w/ some friends
ni-night!

Saturday:
slept in
hard core cardio @ the RUSH (my gym)
Lunch @ the Red Robin (yummy salad)
Iced Coffee from Starbucks
Work until 9:30

Hopefully out w/ friends tonight. My sister-in-law and my nieces and nephew will be here tonight. They are stopping in Knoxville for a few days before heading to Louisville then to Canada. I'm excited to see the kids tomorrow. I think we are trying for lunch and a movie tomorrow then I work from 6pm-1am (floorset @ the 567)

Monday I am taking a bunch of clothes to PLATO'S CLOSET then working 2-6. Tuesday early morning I'll be headed to Louisville to visit my dad in the hospital. He's still pretty out of it but he's no longer in ICU. He is in a step-down unit. I'm nervous and excited to see him all at once. I was so very close to losing him and I haven't seen him in a VERY LONG TIME.

I wish I had more of my good friends here. I would love to go sit @ Starbucks and drink coffee and talk or enjoy a milkshake and some convo or just a good convo would be great! ugh.

Okay, so my dad has been in the hospital for about two weeks now. He was admitted w/ severe stomach pain. Well, as of Tuesday when I was on my way to Nashville to visit a friend, I find out things are more serious then his wife lead on.

Turns out my dad was on a feeding tube and had been put on a ventilator. They were saying he now was experiencing acute respiratory failure and they thought he had pnemonia (spelling ?). He was non-responsive and his liver and kidney functions weren't doing too well. So, to be honest, I thought I was about to lose him. Turns out, the doctors think he may have been bit by something. He had an infection all over his body that they couldn't figure out. They were able to change some medications and he did a 180. My dad is still in ICU, but he is stable and doesn't have the feeding tube or the ventilator anymore. (PRAISE GOD).

But as for my mom, I had no intentions of telling her what was going on (because she hates him w/ everything in her) but i DO plan on going to visit my dad next week and figured i should tell my mom (since i live with her). well, she didn't understand why and i explained the situation and her response was heartless. she said he deserved what was going on with him, made accusations that were NOT true about him just because of mistakes made in the past. Even if my dad would have been in the hospital for a cocaine overdose (he doesn't do cocaine), I would STILL go visit him. He is my dad and I love him. But, my mom can't see that and she just said alot of hurtful things that brought me to tears in the middle of the restaurant @ lunch. She said what goes around comes around (as far as my dad almost dying, saying he deserved it).

I just can't believe how heartless she was. I was sobbing and it didn't even phase her. We haven't talked since. the drive home was quiet then I got ready for work and and worked late tonight. I don't want to be here. I am past being ready to move out.

My emotions are on my sleeve w/ the intensity of my dad's medical situation, my mom's anger, etc. . . . I feel unstable right now.

ugh!

my tears

i'll hopefully make another post when i get off work late tonight, but i've been going through some family stuff and then to top it all off, i was in tears @ lunch today. my mom's words hurt me very deeply and now we aren't talking. I'll fill you all in on the details later. please just keep me in your thoughts.

jess

oh how things change and you don't even realize it

so, it's been a while since i was really consistent with blogging on xanga. i do miss the days when everyone did and you got to hear what everyone was doing across the united states and abroad. but as time has passed, xanga and slowly faded out. I started this blog thinking i would really make time for it and i haven't and i hate that.

so i'm just going to make a few confessions here:

• i cannot remember the last time i read the Word (how sad is that)



• i truly can't remember the last time i went to church w/ the exception of attending a catholic service on christmas eve @ my brother's family church in south florida.



• i feel like i have no purpose or direction right now and i can't remember the last time that i ever felt that way either. it's been this way since i came to tennessee and all the medical issues came up

I just need to know what to do. part of me wants to move to atlanta, part of me wants to be back in florida, part of me wants to be somewhere that a certain family. also, there is a part of me that wants to go to the art institute and study fashion merchandising and design and part of me wants to go to law school. There is also a part of me (how many parts to i have. sheesh) that wants to just get a master's degree in something because i've always wanted to do graduate school.

Will someone please make the decision for me. I just can't get it figured out. and no matter what, i have to make/save money here in Knoxville, TN before doing any of it so I guess that's what i'm trying to figure out. I'm still working @ EXPRESS but with my trips to florida finally being over, i'm trying to get bills/credit cards paid down/off and well as the medical bills.

ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on another note, my hair is growing pretty rapidly. I've had it cut twice since the first big cut. the next cut will be in about 4-5 weeks and I should have a bob around that time. I'm excited to gain some length but have had to cut it because of how it grows. it's definitely thicker from the first time i got it all cut. you can tell by pictures from then and now. :)

i've been quite pensive lately. i just have a lot on my mind and am thinking about the future. i need some direction for sure. Not really sure what my next step is but i feel very complacent and am ready for a CHANGE!

lately, updates have been few and far between. i'm excited for my upcoming birthday and the fun and celebrations that come along w/ it. tonight is dinner @ Ruth's Chris Steakhouse w/ mom and Roger. i got an amazing cake from mag pies that we sampled that is AMAZING. we're having dinner tonight b/c my mom will be out of town on my birthday. following tonight's birthday dinner, i will be heading to a house-warming party for my good friend Aaron Santos.

tuesday night is my birthday dinner w/ my friends. we're going to the downtown brewery for a birthday dinner & then back to lauren's for the party. i've already been spoiled beyond belief for my birthday. i got a new swimsuit from victoria's secret, a dress from BCBG and shoes by gianni bini. My mom is also paying for my gas and a rental car for my upcoming short trip to Panama City. I also bought myself a little birthday present. . . . new suglasses that are absolutely fantastic. the night of my b-day w/ friends we're also having cupcakes from the cupcakery. YUMMMM!

good times w/ great people.

hope to upload some pics after all the festivities!

Sushi @ TOMO

Lauren's ad for her phone.lol.

[ jennifer, vicki, aaron]

[me and vicki]

[Lauren and I @ Tomo)

[Jennifer & Eric]

Saturday night we went to TOMO Japanese Restaurant for dinner and then headed to Toddy's. Here are some pictures from the evening. These are some really great people that I totally enjoy spending time with. It was a great night but had to be at work at 6 AM then next morning and was extremely exhausted.

winter wonderland

[ me & jennifer @ hannah's . jan 2009 ]

so, as i was leaving work today, and the snow was falling pretty rapidly. it excited me very much because we haven't really had a good snow fall this season. All the ups and downs with moving to Tennessee, I'd definitely have to say that actually experiencing the 4 seasons has been great.

I've been pondering what my next step is after I finish my treatment. I really want to get into the work world. I feel so inadequate though. I finished school also two years ago and haven't had any work experience since. I just don't know what I want to do w/ my life. I have a desire to enter the fashion industry and try and move to NYC but then again, I just don't know. ugh. I hate being so unsure about things. But, one thing I am sure of is that I am ready to have my own place again, to get everything out of storage, and to start the next season.

looking to the new year

I had a great christmas holiday and new year's celebration. Christmas was spent in south florida with my brother's family and we had a great time.

I went to D.C. to celebrate new year's with one of my best friends, Stefanie Householder. It was a great time. We went to the Grand Hyatt in downtown D.C. to a formal/semi formal event.

After returning from my december trips, I got fantastic news in the mail from my insurance company. They have decided to overturn their decision of the pre-existing decision so they are going to pay all the bills that were denied for pre-existing. (praise GOD) I'm am totally blessed and so excited for what this year has for me. I have started the countdown for my treatment to be over. I will be finished in March and hope to have clear results on the next PET scan.

On to a not so happy subject. I just found out that yet another female friend of mine has decided to date a girl. She says she's always been attracted to women and she is in love w/ the girl she is currently with. ugh. I just don't get it. I don't understand how people's minds justify these decisions. it's a complicated situation, but I'm just trying to be her friend and love her in this situation.

looking forward to great things in 2009. [this picture is from new year's eve]