the weekend

Friday:
Manicure/Pedicure @ SOHO Nails
Eyebrow waxing
Lunch @ P.F. Changs
Bought the new "bio fit" bra from Victoria's Secret
Work 5-close
Bailey's to visit w/ some friends
ni-night!

Saturday:
slept in
hard core cardio @ the RUSH (my gym)
Lunch @ the Red Robin (yummy salad)
Iced Coffee from Starbucks
Work until 9:30

Hopefully out w/ friends tonight. My sister-in-law and my nieces and nephew will be here tonight. They are stopping in Knoxville for a few days before heading to Louisville then to Canada. I'm excited to see the kids tomorrow. I think we are trying for lunch and a movie tomorrow then I work from 6pm-1am (floorset @ the 567)

Monday I am taking a bunch of clothes to PLATO'S CLOSET then working 2-6. Tuesday early morning I'll be headed to Louisville to visit my dad in the hospital. He's still pretty out of it but he's no longer in ICU. He is in a step-down unit. I'm nervous and excited to see him all at once. I was so very close to losing him and I haven't seen him in a VERY LONG TIME.

I wish I had more of my good friends here. I would love to go sit @ Starbucks and drink coffee and talk or enjoy a milkshake and some convo or just a good convo would be great! ugh.

Okay, so my dad has been in the hospital for about two weeks now. He was admitted w/ severe stomach pain. Well, as of Tuesday when I was on my way to Nashville to visit a friend, I find out things are more serious then his wife lead on.

Turns out my dad was on a feeding tube and had been put on a ventilator. They were saying he now was experiencing acute respiratory failure and they thought he had pnemonia (spelling ?). He was non-responsive and his liver and kidney functions weren't doing too well. So, to be honest, I thought I was about to lose him. Turns out, the doctors think he may have been bit by something. He had an infection all over his body that they couldn't figure out. They were able to change some medications and he did a 180. My dad is still in ICU, but he is stable and doesn't have the feeding tube or the ventilator anymore. (PRAISE GOD).

But as for my mom, I had no intentions of telling her what was going on (because she hates him w/ everything in her) but i DO plan on going to visit my dad next week and figured i should tell my mom (since i live with her). well, she didn't understand why and i explained the situation and her response was heartless. she said he deserved what was going on with him, made accusations that were NOT true about him just because of mistakes made in the past. Even if my dad would have been in the hospital for a cocaine overdose (he doesn't do cocaine), I would STILL go visit him. He is my dad and I love him. But, my mom can't see that and she just said alot of hurtful things that brought me to tears in the middle of the restaurant @ lunch. She said what goes around comes around (as far as my dad almost dying, saying he deserved it).

I just can't believe how heartless she was. I was sobbing and it didn't even phase her. We haven't talked since. the drive home was quiet then I got ready for work and and worked late tonight. I don't want to be here. I am past being ready to move out.

My emotions are on my sleeve w/ the intensity of my dad's medical situation, my mom's anger, etc. . . . I feel unstable right now.

ugh!

my tears

i'll hopefully make another post when i get off work late tonight, but i've been going through some family stuff and then to top it all off, i was in tears @ lunch today. my mom's words hurt me very deeply and now we aren't talking. I'll fill you all in on the details later. please just keep me in your thoughts.

jess

oh how things change and you don't even realize it

so, it's been a while since i was really consistent with blogging on xanga. i do miss the days when everyone did and you got to hear what everyone was doing across the united states and abroad. but as time has passed, xanga and slowly faded out. I started this blog thinking i would really make time for it and i haven't and i hate that.

so i'm just going to make a few confessions here:

• i cannot remember the last time i read the Word (how sad is that)



• i truly can't remember the last time i went to church w/ the exception of attending a catholic service on christmas eve @ my brother's family church in south florida.



• i feel like i have no purpose or direction right now and i can't remember the last time that i ever felt that way either. it's been this way since i came to tennessee and all the medical issues came up

I just need to know what to do. part of me wants to move to atlanta, part of me wants to be back in florida, part of me wants to be somewhere that a certain family. also, there is a part of me that wants to go to the art institute and study fashion merchandising and design and part of me wants to go to law school. There is also a part of me (how many parts to i have. sheesh) that wants to just get a master's degree in something because i've always wanted to do graduate school.

Will someone please make the decision for me. I just can't get it figured out. and no matter what, i have to make/save money here in Knoxville, TN before doing any of it so I guess that's what i'm trying to figure out. I'm still working @ EXPRESS but with my trips to florida finally being over, i'm trying to get bills/credit cards paid down/off and well as the medical bills.

ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on another note, my hair is growing pretty rapidly. I've had it cut twice since the first big cut. the next cut will be in about 4-5 weeks and I should have a bob around that time. I'm excited to gain some length but have had to cut it because of how it grows. it's definitely thicker from the first time i got it all cut. you can tell by pictures from then and now. :)

i've been quite pensive lately. i just have a lot on my mind and am thinking about the future. i need some direction for sure. Not really sure what my next step is but i feel very complacent and am ready for a CHANGE!